You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
