my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
