cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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