yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
