i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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