News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
