I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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