they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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