If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it because I queefed?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
MIDGETS
????
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
