Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize