You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
