were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
