I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
