I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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