You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
