I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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