remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize