so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
