I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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