ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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