if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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