So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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