i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
