I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
