So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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