i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
