omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I want her autograph on my taint
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
