Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
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So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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