just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
