well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
