I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
