i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
