i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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