the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
