True but thats because hes a fetus.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
