Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
