FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
