new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
