He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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