Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
