I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
