After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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