A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
