Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
