he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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