no, he came in my armpit
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
