I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this beer tastes like vomit already
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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