hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nicole vs. Life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
