apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
