I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
