i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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