ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
