Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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