Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
