Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
