R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
