Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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