I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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