is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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