A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
