you will always have a special place in my vag
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
