I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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